I am bragging when I say that no one, in the nation of France, knows better how to mail a package from France to the USA. I do it ten times a week. (Five, at least.) The only way I would know more about this process would be if I actually worked for La Poste. Figuring out how to mail a package from France to the US took me (I’m not kidding) months, and it is, indeed, a stressful proposition: Unlike, say, hotel staff, or even the people sitting behind the glass selling tickets to the Métro, La Poste staff aren’t accustomed to (or interested in) handling anglophone clients. Even with their fellow French, they can be dicks. (Not all, but this is, let’s say, not France’s happiest workforce.) The good news is that I can tell you exactly, step by step, how to do it, and the good news is, you might not even need to speak to a person at all. First, your options.